{"id":657,"date":"2026-07-18T15:38:44","date_gmt":"2026-07-18T15:38:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/atlaslivingmedia.com\/?p=657"},"modified":"2026-07-18T15:38:44","modified_gmt":"2026-07-18T15:38:44","slug":"the-bitter-paradox-of-german-racism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atlaslivingmedia.com\/?p=657","title":{"rendered":"The Bitter Paradox of German Racism"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I moved to Berlin in 2017, a few months after Donald Trump was inaugurated president of the United States. During the early days of Trump\u2019s first term, when I was still living in Brooklyn, I was among the many who were repelled by his anti-immigrant rhetoric and policies, which were not as bad then as they are now. Yet despair did not lead to paralysis: Protests erupted across the country even before he assumed office, including student-led demonstrations and walkouts in Philadelphia, Chicago, and New York City.<\/p>\n

Read more Paying Tribute to Richard Lingeman\u2014Longtime Executive Editor and a Quiet Force at \u201cThe Nation\u201d for More Than Three Decades<\/a><\/p>\n

On January 21, 2017, the day after Trump\u2019s inauguration, women\u2019s marches took place worldwide. An estimated 700,000 people protested his impending rule in Washington, DC, holding signs that read \u201cResistance Is Fertile\u201d and \u201cNot My President.\u201d I was one of those dissidents. At first, I felt dubious about some of the demonstrators, specifically the middle-class white women sporting pink pussy hats: Their grievances, their politics, and their strategy had little in common with mine. As a Black feminist who oscillated between anarcho-syndicalists and socialists in my youth, I was often dismissed by upper-middle-class white Americans for being too idealistic, too left. When I openly identified as a Marxist during graduate school, I was derided by university peers and professors for being pedestrian, even anti-intellectual, for advocating an outmoded philosophy. And to an extent, their commentary wasn\u2019t off\u2014or rather, it was an indication that the radical left was small and siloed in the United States, and for decades, it had been disconnected from a broader America. One of the few moments when a loose and blurred coalition of liberals and radicals flounced in the nation\u2019s capital, together, was during the initial sequence of Trump\u2019s zealotry. Within a few days of entering the White House, Trump issued a series of decrees and policies that heightened political nationalism in the US and abroad. He vowed to repeal the Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare), privatize Medicare, and cut funding for Planned Parenthood.<\/p>\n

The protests left the president unperturbed. Just weeks after his inauguration, Trump reinstated a global gag rule that barred US funding for nongovernmental organizations that mentioned abortion as a medical option in their programs. No matter how much he revised his list of unspeakable decisions, the cornerstone of Trump\u2019s antipathy was clear: He wanted to publicly chasten Muslims. Hate has a way of sprouting from the tiniest cracks in the sidewalk, and my friends and I felt we had to do something. So, on a frigid winter evening, we went to John F. Kennedy International Airport to show our contempt for Trump\u2019s executive order. This spontaneous gathering was an example of why I loved New York City: the sense that if one of us is harmed, New Yorkers will stand up for all of us. For many people like me, these acts of defiance were a way to reclaim sovereignty amid a cloud of despair\u2014an elixir to turn isolation, which felt like an apocalyptic nightmare, into public, coordinated acts of vehemence.<\/p>\n

Over time, I realized my anger was incessant, and I knew that to function or preserve a tinge of tenderness, I had to escape the American inferno. So I found a way out. In 2017, after months of submitting job applications, I was offered a postdoctoral fellowship at the Max Planck Institute in Berlin. Germany seemed far more progressive to me because, since 2015, the country had welcomed 1 million refugees. Facing disaster from the Trump administration and the intensification of anti-Black state violence, my deliverance to an even-tempered life was the fellowship in Berlin.<\/p>\n

In Civilization and Its Discontents<\/em>, Sigmund Freud wrote about \u201cthe external world, which may rage against us with overwhelming and merciless forces of destruction\u201d\u2014forces so great that it disposes a person to acute anguish. America rattled my core, and in order to reconstitute my spirit, I had to leave the inane heaviness. Like many Black Americans I admire, I fled.<\/p>\n

In Berlin, I\u2019d hoped for a city with regular protests, an eclectic art scene, and a squatter community. The city, I was told, was hospitable to artists. I went from attending daily pickets to a more reasonable pace of reading and organizing. Initially, my expectations were met. Having visited the city many times before, I was also drawn to a setting where my progressive friends could read Marx during the day and deejay at night. It felt like a good balance between having a revolutionary political home and making space and time to enjoy life\u2019s pleasures.<\/p>\n

But relocating had a fundamentally different dynamic from the short-term trips I had previously taken. When I moved to Berlin in July 2017 as a Black immigrant, I became an Ausl\u00e4nder<\/em>.<\/p>\n

On a brisk spring morning in Berlin, I found myself sitting across from a psychoanalyst. I hadn\u2019t reread The Interpretation of Dreams <\/em>or skimmed through Carl Jung\u2019s The Undiscovered Self<\/em>, but when I gazed at the man in front of me, I had a knee-jerk reaction that my extracurricular reading wouldn\u2019t have subdued the tension. Dr. M\u00fcller (not his real name) was an older white German man with a gray mustache, clean-shaven chin, high cheekbones, and blue eyes. He wore a short-sleeved blue Oxford shirt and crisp navy-blue trousers. His practice was in the basement of a three-story home.<\/p>\n

I visited Dr. M\u00fcller after contacting a psychoanalytic institute and getting assigned to him. I had just moved to Berlin and had a series of encounters that left me somber: racial insults directed at me when I was cycling, frosty ogles from German natives, and sweeps of unfamiliar hands that made their way to my body. Each event on its own could have been seen as minor\u2014but collectively, the encounters caused me to stumble between the kingdom and agitation and melancholy.<\/p>\n

I walked to Dr. M\u00fcller\u2019s office after taking public transportation from the city\u2019s center to Berlin\u2019s suburbs. On my bus ride that morning, I was struck by the many political posters plastered along the streets. One read: \u201cDon\u2019t turn Europe into Eurabia.\u201d This was the week of the European Parliament elections, and various political parties had posted placards featuring their candidates and slogans throughout the city. The candidates and slogans generally reflected a neighborhood\u2019s political orientation. Traditionally voting for the Christian Democratic Union, this southern district now had signs for the Alternative for Germany, a far-right nationalist party that had previously secured enough seats to become the third-largest party in Germany. Not since the Nazi regime had there been such a large contingent of openly extreme nationalist politicians in elected positions. I could see a low tide of far-right extremism stirring in Germany, as it had before\u2014as it had in so many countries recently. And somehow, I felt that my country of birth had so much to do with it. The United States, ensorcelled by its fascism, had made it more fashionable, a new devotion led by doltish mortals.<\/p>\n

Eventually, Dr. M\u00fcller called me into the therapy room, and I took a seat. My eyes were drawn to the books behind him. When I enter a bibliophile\u2019s library, I cannot help but think that the texts are not just an indication of what the book owner values but also what they want their visitors to know about their values. From what I could see, Dr. M\u00fcller was invested\u2014for obvious reasons\u2014 in psychoanalytic and German-history texts. Unlike the other psychotherapy sessions I\u2019d had up to that point, where I had lain on a couch or sat in a comfortable chair, this session felt like an interview. Dr. M\u00fcller\u2019s lips were compressed, his voice low and steady, and his demeanor serious. \u201cWhy are you here?\u201d he asked. There was silence on both ends, a long pause, and I eventually responded:<\/p>\n

\u201cMy brother was shot in January. I am constantly stared at on the streets. I have been followed, touched, and harassed on the streets of Berlin.\u201d I took a brief pause; his raised eyebrows made me anxious. I continued, \u201cStrangers have called me \u2018Africa\u2019 and \u2018Ausl\u00e4nder<\/em>\u2019 for no other reason than seeing me on the street. I can\u2019t cope with everything. It\u2019s too much.\u201d I stopped, hoping he would interject, but I heard only silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis sounds like a political problem\u2014not a psychological problem,\u201d Dr. M\u00fcller said.<\/p>\n

The words hung in the air briefly; I was dumbfounded and grew defensive. \u201cRacism in Germany is<\/em> a psychological problem,\u201d I replied. In response, Dr. M\u00fcller began describing how he carried the burden of his grandparents\u2019 crimes\u2014his grandparents were members of the Nazi Party\u2014and how their sins caused profound psychological anguish: guilt. This self-disclosure hardly felt appropriate in the therapeutic setting, but then he said: \u201cThere is no racism in Germany. What you have to understand is German guilt. We\u2019ve dealt with our past. You should try learning about our history and our trauma.\u201d Within a few minutes of my talking to him, the desire to seek treatment from this man had evaporated.<\/p>\n

Read more Trump Delivered the Crazy, the Democrats Delivered\u2026 Tweets<\/a><\/p>\n

Guilt, as a sentiment, is inherently psychological; however, in the German context, its symbolic weight raises grave concerns about public memory and political responsibility. That is to say, contemporary German identity is built on the history of the Nazi regime. Most Germans receive instruction on the Nazi period in public schools, and those horrors are ingrained in the public consciousness. While some Germans have challenged this narrative of guilt, the late theorist J\u00fcrgen Habermas rightly explained why it was important to face that history: \u201cThere is the obligation we in Germany have\u2014even if no one else is prepared to take it upon themselves any longer\u2014to keep alive the memory of the suffering of those murdered at the hands of Germans, and we must keep this memory alive quite openly and not just in our minds.\u201d<\/p>\n

There is, however, an irony in what Dr. M\u00fcller said to me and what was happening in Germany at the time. The country had allegedly learned from its past, yet wasn\u2019t the far right gaining strength at the very moment we were talking? This irony reminded me of Hannah Arendt\u2019s critique of guilt. \u201cUpon them and only upon them, who are filled with a genuine fear of the inescapable guilt of the human race,\u201d she writes, \u201ccan there be any reliance when it comes to fighting fearlessly, uncompromisingly, everywhere against the incalculable evil that men are capable of bringing about.\u201d Here, the philosopher notes that guilt has its limits, implying that shame, as a feeling, might not be enough to challenge evil in a society. Taken together, Habermas\u2019s emphasis on memory and Arendt\u2019s focus on action show that psychological contrition alone is meaningless without unwavering social justice.<\/p>\n

In his own assessment, Dr. M\u00fcller was echoing the most sacred tenet of the German historical catechism\u2014the people\u2019s supposed collective guilt for the Holocaust\u2014in a way that does not address the ongoing bigotry in German society but instead emphasizes German psychological distress above all else, with little concern for the verbal or physical harassment someone might endure because of their racial identity. Much like the way most Germans treat the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the country\u2019s collective guilt over its treatment of the Jews trumps any consideration of the Roma, Arabs, Africans, Asians, and other minorities. An overcorrection.<\/p>\n

With Dr. M\u00fcller, my psychological state was not taken seriously, and it was clear I would not receive the care I deserved, precisely because I was in his office to begin with\u2014anti-Black racism. It was unprofessional for this health provider to ask me to direct my energy toward his alleged German self-condemnation rather than to provide me with the tools to cope with my ongoing discrimination. Somehow, he felt the need to explain that his guilt was more oppressive than being harassed or followed.<\/p>\n

He also seemed to take me for a fool. I had learned about the Holocaust through my primary and secondary education in the United States. I had read Anne Frank\u2019s diary at 13, fearful that the hateful sentiments directed toward Jewish people in Europe would reverberate as hatred toward Black Americans in the United States. Though distinct in history and character, I recognized similarities between antisemitism and anti-Black American racism, including how both groups are marked as different in Christian-majority countries, their legacy of displacement, and the various mechanisms to foster community from below. What is striking is that I learned more about the heinousness of Nazi crimes in my public education in Florida than I did about the maleficence of white America. I knew that Hitler, the Nazi regime, and the millions of Germans who had put them in power did not think people who looked like me\u2014with my skin tone, nose shape, and hair texture\u2014were fit to be in their country.<\/p>\n

During my first year living in Berlin, I started to feel the weight of xenophobia and anti-Black racism on my spirit. It starts as a low buzz that clings to the ear. I\u2019m nearly always sitting next to an empty seat on a busy train. I\u2019m not invited to outings by white coworkers. I\u2019m asked when I will move back to the United States in a tone that suggests I should. Americans are more direct; the bigots are less craven. Sometimes they\u2019ll admit that they are racist to your face, and in a sense, you can learn to work with such coarse behavior and know which side of town to go to. They\u2019re honest, even if it hurts. But Europeans will deny their racism to their dying breath and make you feel like you\u2019re demented for even asking if racism is possible.<\/p>\n

At first, the incidents were minor. Older white Germans would stare at me with a sharpness that cut deep. The first time, I was confused. I wondered: Is there a leaf in my hair or lipstick on my teeth? But as it kept happening, I realized it wasn\u2019t about my clothes or makeup. Some white Germans who saw me on the street would say \u201cAfrica\u201d while rubbing their skin and pointing at me\u2014as if I, born and raised in Miami, represented an entire continent with 54 countries. When I felt bold, I would rub my skin, point at them, and say, \u201cRacist.\u201d But this was just the surface.<\/p>\n

Every day, I encountered something different. One month after moving to Berlin, I attended a conference on race, power, and privilege at Humboldt University. I was informed about the event through an online group called \u201cBlack in Berlin\u201d and thought attending would be an excellent opportunity to meet a new community of Black scholars and writers. During the break between sessions, a white person started speaking to me in English. We discussed my research, and I asked her what she was studying. She commented, \u201cYour English is excellent.\u201d I paused for a second, thinking this must be a joke. So I responded, \u201cWell, I\u2019ve been working on it all my life.\u201d Not understanding my sarcasm, she replied, \u201cGood for you.\u201d I was dumbfounded, but this was a mild precursor to other instances in which I would be condescended to or racialized in Berlin.<\/p>\n

One Friday afternoon, while sitting on my balcony with several Black friends, drinking wine and laughing, a white German neighbor shouted the N-word in German at us from her window. I was shocked and angry but also confused, knowing she did not want me living in the building. After reaching out to my friends about my racist neighbor, I heard about a spare room for rent in a shared apartment 10 minutes away. I moved into the new flat within six weeks.<\/p>\n

Being followed, touched without my consent, and pointed at by random people made me wonder: Will I ever feel safe anywhere? I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, paralyzed by the sinister inertia of major and minor forms of racially based harassment. I decided to get help, but the initial consultation with Dr. M\u00fcller only left me feeling worse.<\/p>\n

This was maddening and made me want to connect with others who could sympathize, people who might understand what it means to be Black in Europe. So I turned to my friends and comrades. I founded a radical reading group and a feminist writing collective, where we read Frantz Fanon alongside Audre Lorde and gathered to workshop the poetry and prose we had written. As I reconciled myself to Berlin as my home, I found a union with kindred spirits who danced to house music until dawn, to a melodic rhythm that transcended the provincialism of the native inhabitants\u2019 choleric energy. In a sense, my mates gave me a sense of belonging and clarity that home can be shaped from within.<\/p>\n

Since the middle of the last century, fascism has festered along the edges of American and German society. For a time, its champions were officially rebuked and lingered on the margins, bitter about their defeat. Given the rise of the far right today throughout Europe and North America, the chaotic daze of Trump\u2019s first presidency now feels puerile. Nearly a decade later, I learned that I cannot simply run away from my problems. Avoidant behaviors have their limits. But more importantly, there is little sympathy (or reprieve) from someone who can\u2019t look beyond their alleged guilt.<\/p>\n

Read more Even Nancy Pelosi Is Voting to Cut Aid to Israel Now<\/a><\/p>\n<\/article>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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